It all started on Dec 5, 2011… on a Monday. That was the Day I worked a full day of work. 8:30 – 5:30, went straight to band practice, then Sta Monica where I stayed until 4:00am. I didn’t get any shut eye until 4:30am.

2 hours later my alarm goes off… Time to work yet another full shift at work. 8:30-5:30, and just when I thought I was done I had errands to run that left me no choice but to drive around in traffic adding another hour and a half to putting my body’s desire to just go home and sleep ON HOLD.

AND that is how it began. It was only TUESDAY and I’ve lowered my immune system.

Friday Dec 09, 2011:  Swallowing hurt more than getting a tattoo…

Every hour from then brought new symptoms. I found myself with swollen lymph nodes, jaw pain, pounding head aches, and the worse, RED EYES.

This is when I had the hunch… I was TURNING… I MUST HAVE CAUGHT THE VIRUS.

I decided to fight it…

I stayed in bed watching all of season 1 of  THE WALKING DEAD. Drank lots of fluids.

Benzo got me soup, a love note, and many more… he seems to be immune to the virus. For his sake, I hope he is…

I’ve also received care packages from a few friends and family….When you feel this sick, it’s always nice to have their support and well wishes.

at this point, I was happy to learn that I still crave for sweets…

…rather than flesh

The overall pain I was feeling began to worry me. I decided it was time to stop guessing and see a doctor. Besides, Web MD didn’t have much information about symptoms when you’re turning into a Zombie… I was better off watching more flicks like, Dawn of the Dead.

So I did…

My hunch was true. I am INFECTED!

There is no cure for this virus. All I have to do is avoid the masses and hope I can fight it off…

For now, I’ve instructed the fiercest creature I  know, My DOG, to keep an eye on me. Not to let me escape. Not to let the Virus spread. So far as you can see on the next photo, she’s been doing a great job.

That’s her on ATTACK mode.

Oh, and that’s one of my two bruises from getting blood drawn from me @ the lab.

So far, I think I’m fighting off this Virus okay. If not, you might see me around as a “Walker”

remember… “shoot ‘em in the head”

Summer 2011. It’s been 10 years since I last stood on Philippine soil. Some people won’t understand, but I have literally lived 2 lives within my one mortal lifetime. Sure, our lives are always at a constant flux, but there has not been anything as drastic as moving away from what I KNEW…
We left everything and literally lost everything. The transition was difficult…. 8 people crammed into a small one bedroom house, not having any friends, and not knowing where I was half the time! Back then, living on Ventura Blvd and Canoga avenue felt like, “wow! I’m in America”. Now, it’s just Ventura and Canoga…. Every now and then Nostalgia hits and those are the times when I come to understand and thank GOD for allowing me to go through EVERYTHING that I’ve been through.

THROUGH

moving at a constant flux, sometimes things get difficult… That’s why it’s important to put things into perspective. Some may call it Buddhism, Nietzsche’s philosophy, or even very Tyler Durden, but I thank God for it; the perspective that WE MAY LOSE EVERYTHING because we HAVE NOTHING. Nothing tangible at least.

So, with all that said, in celebration of my 10th year of living the 2nd portion of my lifetime, I got inked.
It’s a simple design.
3 stars and the sun which obviously shows love for the motherland.
Baybayin script which is the ancient script used in the Philippines prior to Spanish influence.
My script says “tula at awit” which translates to “poem and song” which is also lyrics pulled from the Philippine national anthem.

Dear Pilipinas,
I was there alongside many children protesting nuclear testing over your waters
I was there alongside many children teaching other children
I was there alongside the masses in a revolution against corruption
I was there alongside fishermen and farmers to smell your sun rise
I was there when you were flooded, polluted, and had no light…
I was there
and I will be back…

“There is beauty in the poem
And [in the] song for freedom beloved”

Pauline: “We rarely see people gather in big crowds to revolt. Maybe a few here and there on the street corners where other people who are driving because they need to go handle their business and work can honk their horns. It seems like everyone is so distracted.”

Ben: “The system is strong in this country”

Have we come to a point in history where we are all struggling to keep our lifestyles comfortable that we can’t afford to drop what we are doing, miss those few hours of wages, and revolt against all that’s wrong while recognizing all that’s right!?

Is the system that strong?

Wrong…

This place is for the people by the people and WE ARE THE PEOPLE

So stand up…

Last night I was able to spend the evening with GOOD COMPANY, company so good that Benzo and I decided to treat everyone out to some House Special Lobster and Peking Duck! Yummm yuuumm!

Just as I thought my night was coming to an end, Benzo surprises me with my new John Lennon’s Power To The People (The Hits) CD! To some, it’s just a CD. For me, it’s a gesture worth remembering forever =)

God, thank you for surrounding me with beautiful people!

Today I will attempt to create my own fairy costume.

To be continued…

Changes
I was looking over my old rants, writes, and “blogs” and for a second there I said to myself, “Damn I’ve been through some changes.” But then I had to stop myself.
If someone were to ask me back when I was a teen if I have ever changed, I would put my guard up, deny it, and defend my perception. I was too damn cool to change. I was born cool as fuck and I stayed the same since birth.

Fucking, cool.

Yeah Right kid.

Skin Deep

Hair
The first time I ever got “dumped” I decided to change the color of my hair. My best bud Erin and I drove the old Pontiac to the nearest JC penny where Keiko gave me auburn red streaks. I’ve tried a few more colors since then such as, red, red, auburn, red, blue which turned purple, I’ve tried bleaching it to a funky orange red pigment, then red again.

I would say yes, my hair has changed.

Skin
Before my parents separated, my parents drove us to the beach every weekend as a desperate attempt to keep the embers burning. It did not work. The only thing that burnt during those trips to the beach was our skins. That was when I experienced the worst sunburn of my life!
I had water bubble build up on my arms very much like bubble wrap and I could not sleep on my back. Of course, I am now triple my age then and my skin over the years has pealed, dried, showered (hopefully), soaped, wrinkled, and stretched to a point where that young sun burned skin has turned into dead cells and new freckles.

I would say yes, my skin has changed.

Teeth
“The worst case” said my orthodontist. I had bad teeth. It’s ironic because when I was younger I wanted retainers. Turns out I needed braces with springs! Springs attached to my k9 to help speed up the process of making room for my one rogue tooth. Oh, but the springs weren’t enough. They had to extract one molar from each corner of my mouth. Four molars! I had four holes on each corner of my mouth. This was extremely difficult coming from a culture that eats rice for every single meal of every single day. I felt like a hamster storing food on the corners of my mouth! I had to pick that stuff out!
Eventually my gums healed itself and my teeth straightened out. Because of the four lost molars my wisdom teeth came in early and painless.

I would say yes, my teeth have changed.

Eyes
Oh middle child sandwiched by two siblings who began wearing glasses at a young age. “You’re lucky” they said. “You didn’t get the bad eye genes.”
I already knew that was bullshit because both sides of my family have crappy eye sight. I figured it was inevitable that mine will soon deteriorate. It was just a matter of will I be near sighted like my dad, or far sighted like my mom.
I bought myself a PSP as a present when the thinner versions came out. I then got addicted to a game called Lumines. Lumines became the catalyst to my near sightedness.

I would say yes my eyes have changed.

Changes
As much as my physical self has changed, “I” have only grown.
My spiritual self, my soul, can only grow. It can’t change unlike my physical self which will become just like my sunburned skin, dead cell.

If someone were to ask me now if I have changed I would put my guard up, deny it, and defend my perception. I am too damn cool to change. I was born cool as fuck and I have stayed the same since birth.

Fucking, cool…

Wednesday, November 5, 2008.

Today is quite a significant date.

Today goes straight into my episodic memory’s filing system.

Today we have a newly elected president whom many see as a symbol of HOPE.

Today we HOPE he keeps his promises. Today we hope to work together.

Today, the streets of Hollywood is filled with picket signs carried by human hearts beating as one, feeling disappointment resulting from a PROPOSITION vote that has cornered voters into a choice between a YES and a NO. These two words represent a very black and white stance that does not translate into a compromise.

Today while watching LIVE news I witnessed what I would consider as police brutality.

Today marks the week before my citizenship interview.

So here goes the twist.

Today I was watching news from the Philippines where in they showed a clip of a man stating his worries that president elect Obama’s term could affect CALL CENTERS negatively.

Today I am hoping it would. Outsourcing to the Philippines where people with great potential SETTLE for cheap change that fall out of big company pockets should be ABOLISHED!

Today I found out that there are plans of impeaching the current president of the Philippines. President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is the current president of the Philippines because she replaced former president Erap Estrada after HIS impeachment due to corruption. The bishops of the Philippines have grown fed up of how much money goes into these politicians pockets and away from the public’s starving stomachs and bare backs. Now how dirty is that?

Today I saw Kris Aquino on the Filipino version of “Deal or no deal”. She had make up caked on her face and a formal gown hangs down her frame. This woman is a disappointment. This woman is the daughter of a man who was assassinated after fighting for his country’s freedom. This woman is the daughter of a mother who became the president of her country in hopes to continue what her father strongly believed in and died for. She has revolutionary blood flowing through her veins and money as an enabler. Aside from donating to the poor every now and then, it would be nice if she did more than HOST game shows and talk shows.

“pick your battles”

As the day narrows in where I no longer am a citizen of the Philippines ON PAPER, and I will become a citizen of the United States, I can’t help but remind myself to ask… What battles have I picked?

“Remember remember the 5^th of November”

Domino effect for the better; can’t change a person without affecting the other, can’t change a state without affecting the other, can’t change a country without affecting the others… a butterfly can’t even flap it’s wings without affecting something… When will some people get the concept of ONE?

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Splintered by endless amounts of debris ricocheted from

what was once concrete shattered by my footsteps.

I lay half asleep on a bed that could barely fit me

fixed eye

Scared shitless of getting lost in this strong current

Forcing my feet to remain buried deep

In the .sandstorm.

So I may continue to bleed for the sake of this constructive destruction

Like a game of Russian roulette without bullets

Where every spin of the barrel and every pull of the trigger

Leaves me with piss in my pants for no damn reason

The Cheshire-Cat grins and fades away.

Tides may rise and ashes may fall

Sands will move with the storm of the current

The time will come when nothing is the same

But the blood that flows and my feet that remain planted to the new ground.

sweet reminder

— a   symbol of everything I’ve written down and more (cuba gooding secrets).

What this photo represents is this:

July 2008 marks a year and 6 months of little things;

I was on the edge of my twin bed

A foot away from my Sony shrine

when the idea of vanilla ice cream was spawned

and from then on drives on the one oh one became

north bound and in tune with the earth sound waves and the

sun beams

 and when the driver was me (for a change) and north turned southeast

oh my fucking beautiful mornings with oh my fucking beautiful mountains

eased the early morning clinical and pierce hours.

OLP, coheed, pharcyde, and oldies along with the weather dominated the drives during cigarette runs, zigzag runs, flavored tobacco runs, and bestbuy runs…

 Feeding rebellious nature through indeedii I wrote graffiti on tha bus tha buss…

Zombiefied counter strike towards online poker and a call of duty towards gears of war till 5 in the morning

Cup of noodles in a hotel suit with an electrical grill…

Korean bbq, smokey bedrooms during lost, and Csun classes.

Fish tanks, stray dogs, the ZOO and NO CATS…

Music and Screenplays.

Nursing and Psychology.

The young and the old….

The random people filled with wisdom and the random people filled with dumb.

Hotel rooms and z galleries…

And the best corn beef I’ve ever had.

Funny how a year and 6 months began loong after these days at sherman way

it’s just a matter of timing…coz I’m a little star.

corona & lime

 Watch the fire and fade away…….

Who knew that TWO common friends, with ONE common high school turned out to be a catalyst for two Souls?

What is the significance of the common trend of the phoneme “N” within my circle?

I tend to blast epic music in my car

Which means…

I think a lot when I’m in the shower.

Today I got smacked in the face by an eight year old.  It was a good SELF reality check that redefined my job as a behavioral therapist. I am here to help these kids because they need it.

Today one of my kiddos felt alone. It’s hard to witness a four year old feel emotionally flustered because he is sad but couldn’t find the words to say it. I would say that I prompted him to express himself but I didn’t. I helped him.

My four year old felt alone! I am so proud of him for feeling! If he had not felt alone he wouldn’t have realized that NOT SHARING his toys could push playmates away! The things this kiddo did today showed me how much he has improved since we first started our sessions.

Sometimes these kids love me. Sometimes they can’t wait for me to leave… Love me or hate me… They make me proud.

It’s been four years since high school and this guy who I went to high school with but never met until college surprised me with AMECI’s PIZZA! Pizza served back in the day!

In a world where my soul mate and I might get LOST in time…

Ameci’s Pizza would be one of our constants.

I’m dwelling the night again… Enemas and deep puss like tissue damage has now occupied my murse of a first day of class phantom classmate. I’m proud of him too…

I hope my first day in experimental psych class tomorrow goes well…

Time to sleep.

If I didn’t shower often, would I not think at all?

Fall asleep.

I’ve imagined quiet footsteps cracking twigs on my jungle like side yard, and then a very silent tap on my sliding door… It’s not coming.

My phone oddly remains quiet.

With no one to blame

I feel abandoned.

Numbness.

All contained in one damn place! I wish a tear could drop but it’s not even like that. Not right now.

In a room where counting sheep doesn’t fucking work,

I dwell the early mornings.

And count these instead…

Sans good night

Sans hello

Sans good bye

Sans sweetest dreams

Sans warmth…

Sans sleep.